Monday, May 02, 2011
hell broke loose. oh hell. not that i was trapped in a boulder/canyon for 5 days. so, it could have been worst.
wish i could be teleported out of this mess and misery. even smokes doesnt cure the pain or shame.
spoke with brother some time awhile, felt very relief that someone was actually willing to talk to me at that point. felt that i did not get enough support from the one whom i expected to get the most from. really disappointed. emotional whirlpools get in and out of me during weekends. weekends are generally filled with emptiness, weekdays (workdays at shift times) give me delight at taking that rotten feeling out of my heart temporarily. i try my best during Operations, but that feeling of staleness is coming in everyday. (last week, worked dayshift for 50% of the time and that felt gd).
wish it could be over. wish it could be over. wished it never happened, events that night put my into shock even every time it recurs on my head. no-way backward, only forward. only forward. fast-forward pls.
Monday, April 04, 2011
its been awhile. what to do .. almost done with the overseas stint, and heading back to singapore. what does my next 5 years look like? you ll never know. ready to settle down? feels like it.. but shouldnt life be a little more exciting.
always feel that when u re doing something that you really like, u'll eventually put in your 100%. may be 110% was the amount of effort put in. doesnt reap much. so may be, its not that necessary.
so yeah, miss them all. but i should go home and ring fate's bell. till it cuts the silence.
Monday, September 06, 2010
i like green. but i prefer pink better. both colors are great... but when you put brilliant colours side-by-side, one of it almost always stands out.
as always, pink never fails... always there, always waiting... endearing.
green, on the other hand, is all about excitement, but flees away cos of fear... procrastination
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
burnt out! from travelling, fixing stuff and work.. and etc
just wanted to say, these 2 weeks have been like a dream... so what do u do in a dream? eat, sleep, cook occasionally, go to work (jus going through motion) and browsing through words on a magazine. never paid too much attention to stuff..
there's infinite number of things i wanna achieve.. and the list just expands by itself... why dun i stay in California for another 6 more months? even simple things like cooking myself a meal becomes a time waster, then what else isnt? think i ve gotta take it easy, give myself some space, some time.. then results might show that way... rushing ard isnt gonna help a great deal..
i should take a second to think about my goals. never stray away from them......
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
thank God i've managed to let go of something which made me rather upset for the past 2 weeks. Thank God, although its perpetually coming and go, that incident and feeling ... almost recurrent. but i'll overcome it... Thank God for gym too.
yep, felt the need to be pissed off and release your claws at some unexpecting person and at the same time felt the need to regain control of the situation around me. i think i shd need to apologize to somebody real soon.
So a few old photos just now, kinda felt like past experience molded me the way i am now. a person who backed me up all the way during a difficult situation made me rejoice for a faithfulness never seen before, till then. struggled with the need to broadcast my thoughts, but stopped short because times have changed, or have they not?
i need clarity, i need more focus.. i need to put all that drive in that direction. then believe it will churn out results to rejoice again. i'm happy with the situation now, no matter how stupid you may make out of it.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
would you reveal your secret heart or would you hide it under a pile of logic and reason?i'd put myself in a busy day, rather than think about deep feelings and thoughts....
i miss. i thought sunday would be my perfect sanctuary, but i was wrong. days and time could be a double aged sword. and off-days too.
Months have passed since we last met
Months have passed since we touched.
Days have gone through driving alone.
More to come for yet another person.
Which one and when to be decisive?
Steal it away in my blue book for a brief and hope that time never comes.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
tell me if you're reading this.. anyone..
a feeling of leaving a place i just started to grow attached toa feeling of putting my heart at making sure things work the way it is, and falling short
a feeling of distraction, that makes me forgetful occasionally
a feeling of happiness, know that i've pleased someone in the daily routine i do
a feeling of camaraderie never felt before at work
a feeling of serenity, like there's nothing else to work towards
a feeling of shallow despair, like its not going to happen
a feeling of confusion, with two split paths driving me in different directions
a feeling of wanting, to be with different persons at any course of the day
a feeling of loneliness, knowing that you're never going to count on them again
a feeling of guilt, knowing its a dying wish i've done each time
a feeling of always wanting to say something irresponsible, but never could summon up that courage
a feeling of longing to return to a familiar place and time
And all, I commit these unto You..... what would you do?
yawnz... i'm probably getting tired.
